"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Monday, February 6, 2017

but without all of the static {those Chocolate Whipping Cream Bowls & Red Velvet PB cookie recipes!}

Chocolate Whipping Cream Bowls

1pkg Chocolate Almond Bark
8-10 balloons {blown up softball size}
1qt Heavy Whipping Cream, powdered sugar
Berries, Chocolate Sauce, Mint for garnish

Make Chocolate Bowls:
Blow up the balloons (you want them small and round, like little bowls). 
Next, carefully dip each balloon (about 1/2 to 3/4 of balloon) into the melted chocolate and set on top of the chocolate disks on parchment paper.
Let set in fridge for about 30 minutes.
After 30 minutes take the cookie sheets out and let the bowls sit for about 5-10 minutes. While pinching the tops of the balloon snip or poke a hole to release the air…SLOWLY. 
Hopefully, the balloon will release freely. If it doesn’t, do not pull the balloon away from chocolate just let it sit for a few more minutes and the chocolate should release the balloon on its own.
The bowls are delicate. Keep the bowls on the cookie sheet and put back in fridge.
Make whipped cream as directed.
Spoon whipped cream into chocolate bowls, top with berries. YUM!

i can't even wrap my 
head around this day.
i've been to Good Things Utah 7 times in the last 8 months,
and I LOVE these people ahhh!
i love cooking for people.
just standing around in a kitchen is my dream come true.
i love to do things with my hands, and pour into people,
and i'm convinced that there's no better place to do that than a kitchen haha!
Good grief...
i remember struggling when my sugar cravings went away 16 months ago.
it was like i didn't know how to connect with my food people if i didn't have those passions for food like i'd always had.
it has been the weirdest thing.
because i just can't connect with you about feeling bloated after the super bowl...
because i'm not.
in fact, i haven't felt bloated once in over a year.
not even you know when!
i can't relate to waking up tired.
or being an insomniac.
i can't relate to being in a sugar coma.
i mean i can, 
because i remember living in that rollercoaster since at least middle school,
but now i can't.
{sometimes i'll still eat something fun, 
like that whipping cream 
chocolate bowl thing up there. 
i had some of that today just for fun. 
i couldn't take more than a few bites, but i ate it because why not.
and sometimes when we go out to dinner i'll have a dr. pepper just for the bubbles.
but i can't ever finish it. and sometimes it give me a headache.
and i tell sean to remind me that my body doesn't like sugar anymore ok? ok}.
maybe that sounds silly to you,
but to me, i had this inner struggle over it all.
almost like a writer's block.
because i was that, and i remember that,
but i'm not that, so where did i fit now?
i felt like there was this part of me that had disappeared,
but not because i couldn't have it,
but because i didn't want it.
it was like this part of me was in limbo,
mostly alone,
and i couldn't quite figure out how to get it back.
when i didn't want it back,
at least not the way it was before.
i could feel deep down inside that what i had was something even better.
i think that some people look at me now and think i deprive myself.
how can she REALLY look at that and not want it.
{well my friends, that's for another post LOL,
or just go scroll through my instagram ok? ok.
@emiemiemi82 ya'll.}
i really just don't crave sugar.
sometimes i wish i did.
i miss it.
but not in the way you think.
soooooo not in the way you might think.
what i DO NOT miss is waking up tired.
being controlled by my sugar cravings.
never having energy.
taking hours to fall asleep at night,
waking up anxious at a pin dropping,
my hair falling out,
my clothes never feeling like they fit right,
and being dependent on ice cream and sugar to calm me down at the end of the day,
or perk me up in the afternoon.
so when you hear me say i miss ice cream,
or whipping cream,
or living to eat in general,
it's not because i'm abstaining from it,
or not letting myself have it.
and it's not because i'm just "lucky to be skinny with a great metabolism either."
{it's called blood sugar balance fyi}.
and it's because i truly don't want it.
i don't need it.
it's like my entire relationship to food has evolved into something more powerful than before.
it's like this deeper need to take care of my body is there. 
in a way that i couldn't understand before 
because it used to be all about filling something,
rather than regenerating something.
it's like i can hear myself more clearly now,
because i'm not drowning it out with static.
{and i'm not saying that if you like sugar that you are the opposite of everything i have just said,
insert a positive affirmation for yourself here ok? ok},
so i've had this inner turmoil and struggle about missing everything that had defined me before with it, to that being gone now because the essence of it had changed all around me.
and even though i'm better for it,
it was like there was this mourning of it.
i think that comes any time a piece of you changes.
and this is where today comes in.
because today i realized that i've recreated it,
in a completely different way.
it's like i've circled back around.
almost like a mom that had her first baby.
or her 2nd.
or her third.
and then her fourth.
and there's that reckoning and adjusting phase.
you moms know what i'm talking about.
and even if you don't have children,
i know you've been through change in the way i'm talking about.
in the same way,
just a different chapter of the book.
you men too! we can't forget about you men too ;)
where you have to find your new normal.
and you're not quite sure when it's going to come,
or how you're going to find it.
until it's there.
because there's something so present in your life that changed everything 
the way you thought you knew it.
it's like i've come back around and found where i was,
in a whole new place.
the same.
but different.
all at once.
and i get to share this amazing part of me,
that i've always dreamed of sharing in this way,
but in completely different way than i could have ever IMAGINE'd it.
and i just can't explain how satisfying it is to be here.
living inside everything i never knew could be.
inside of this person that's been here all along.
still loving on people,
in my kitchen.
but without all of the static.
i think it's also called your mid thirties.
what happens when you twirl the balloon in the hot chocolate too soon?
it explodes chocolate all over you,
your computer,
your toaster,
your pajamas,
your hair,
your kitchen floor and cabinets 
{p.s. they're white}
and then you spend the next hour using a toothpick to pick it out from in between the keys on the keyboard LOL!
really though, it could have been worse.
and i'll never forget what it looked like as wet chocolate was spraying
maybe one of my favorite cookie memories ever.
at 12:45am on a sundee night.
Peanut Butter Red Velvet Blossoms

1 bag Hershey's Kisses
pinch salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa
1 teaspoon red gel food coloring {Red Velvet at Harmon's by the birthday candles!}
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 tablespoons milk
1 egg
1 1/3 cups sugar
3/4 cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, room temperature
1/4 cup red sanding sugar


Heat oven to 375
1. Beat butter, peanut butter, and sugar in stand mixer for about 2 minutes on medium speed. Turn mixer to low and add in egg, milk, vanilla, and red food coloring. Mix for about 30 seconds to incorporate, then turn mixer to medium high and blend until light and fluffy.
2. In a separate bowl sift cocoa, flour, baking soda and salt. With mixer on slow add flour mixture to sugar mixture and beat until just combined.
3. Remove mixer bowl from stand. Shape dough into 1 inch balls. Pour red sanding sugar onto small plate or bowl. Roll dough ball in sanding sugar and place on prepared cookie sheet about 2 inches apart.
4. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes.
5. While baking unwrap Hershey\'s Kisses. Once cookies are done baking, remove from oven and immediately press a chocolate Kiss into the center of each cookie. The cookie should crack around edges.
6. Allow cookies to cool to room temperature.

Cupid's Floats
Cherry 7up
Vanilla Ice Cream
Red Vines

Pour. Top with Ice Cream. Insert Straw.
It fizzes. Plan for that. It's fun.
You're welcome:)

email me at emilygibson82@yahoo.com

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